Could it be, we are the not sane ones- Maybe Sabotagers?

So I had a thought this morning that maybe its not a sane boyfriend I need, maybe it me that needs to become sane? Maybe I am the one who's off their rocker. Its possible.

I noticed today that I maybe I'm a self sabotager.

I have been a huge advocate of the Secret since it was introduced to me by my sister a few months ago. And I have to say I think it works. I wanted a New car, a house, to start working out, a new laptop, I even wanted a relationship. And I was given a Laptop, didn't buy it, and I meet the man of the hour, and even started working out.

Now if the Secret really is the hidden key to life, and if thoughts turn into action, a statement that is one every ones mind since Oprah introduced the Secret to billions. Then am I sabotaging my relationship? Maybe my thoughts are to powerful?

So Last night "F" left for Miami for the weekend, and since things are going not as well as I would like at the moment, my thought ran amok. Literally. For about 4 hours I had "he wasn't going to call me before he left" run back and forth in my head. Too the point that I was so angry, fuming. I even called to see if his phone went straight to voice mail, and it rang 4 rings until voice mail, meaning it was on. So then why was I still upset? I knew he wasn't on plane. But the power of my worse case scenario thoughts were over powering the rational ones. To the point that when he did call, when he got to the airport, I was so upset I was the bitch!

Does this make sense? I am so sick of this self sabotaging act I pull. Why is it I am pushing, so hard, away something I want so bad? Insecurities, fear of the pain again?

My friend Faith, ironical, has no faith in Love anymore. She is literally, she says it, settling for a man that claims to love her, that she doesn't love, just so that she can grantee a child before she is 30. Now does that make sense? But that is years of bad relationships taking its toll on her. She doesn't want to give her heart. She protects that at the price of Happiness.

Questions here, is am I doing this backwards. Have all the years of bad relationship turned me into a relationship sabotager? Should I be taken note from Faith. I already know I love him, but am I putting my negative thoughts into actions just to push him away before he can hurt me?

Maybe the blog should read - One sane Girl to go?